So the cold hard fact is that I have bad knees. They need to be replaced but I’m apparently ‘too young’. Seriously lame! I also had surgery a couple months ago for another meniscus tear and to drain a large bakers cyst. Of course I got all excited about feeling better so I did too much too soon and almost re-injured it.

Anyway…. I’m at the point where I can do things but my knees ache most of the time. Just walked a couple miles and they ache. Anyone else deal with this crap?

On another note, I have hired a ‘health coach’. He’s pretty awesome and has me eating a shit ton of protein- yes I swear- and he just cut my calories. I’m actually trying to stay in the ballpark of said calories 😂. Wish me luck with that. Not eating what I want??? Sadness!!! Getting old is fun…..

Awareness…. Ummmmmm wow. Just merely 4 years ago I was in the best shape of my life. Rocking a svelte 5’9, 145 pound 39 year old body. Then….. BAM! Life happened. And by ‘life’, I mean, moving across the world, having your knees give you the finger, divorce, job changes, dating horror stories, mental illness, etc etc etc.

Now! 4 years later and I’m a much happier, but fat! 43 year old 170 pound woman. Life’s pretty good- getting married in 2 months however…. Recent photos of myself are not just unflattering but more of stills from a horror film about what a mid-life crisis aftermath can look like.

The above is a result of injuries, overeating, over drinking and mental illness. The latter is the most concerning. Mental illness- when you have anxiety and depression, but your life is something you don’t recognize and you try anything you can to avoid reality. You count on the one good photo and ignore the rest. You avoid the scale like the plague and try desperately to rationalize why your jeans don’t fit! This site will be my journey back to self acceptance and respect and might give sneaky peaks into my past.